Ma, I'm Going To Europe!

Readers, I have been accepted into a study abroad in Europe program at my school and will be departing for there on January 14, 2009. Yes THAT EUROPE!

I figure it's a big world and how many people ever really get to go on a once in a lifetime opportunity like this at such a young age with little responsibilities being left behind. Im going to be thrust into a land that our country's founders found a place of sin. I sure hope the Puritans were right! I need some debauchery in my life bad. I will be based in London in "Jolly Ol Eng-er-land" but will have an enormous amount of opportunities to travel(Amsterdam, I'm coming).

One of the things I wrote about in my "Why I Want To Go" essay was to reconnect with my ancestral roots. Yes, that is true though. It going to be interesting to see the various places my heritage resides and where I may be living had my past relatives not made the boat ride to the Stars N Stripes.

I really just can't quite imagine what it will be like over there. (Have they found the magic of pop-tarts yet?) I'm sure I will be crying and begging I was back home in the U.S. within a weeks worth but the good thing is it will be 3000 miles away. It will most definitely be a time of inner growth and the start of shaping the individual I will grow to become.

But anyway enough of the rah-rah.

Adios.

(I think thats spanish for burritos or something............)

The Few, Proud, Wasted Eighteen Minutes

A couple of years ago, the Marines branch at school called to touch base with me. I talked to Sergeant Something that day for about a half-hour; he said 'man' at least fifty times: "Listen man, I just wanna know if you'd be interested in the Marines, man..." I got it right away- down-to-earth Sarge knows how to speak to the youth; the Marines have nothing to do with boot camp or military combat, and we're just two dudes being real with each other, man. He said to me, "We're not looking to shave your head and make you do push-ups or nothing, huh huh, we just want you to come by the office and talk for a while," which seems a bit counterproductive to a recruitment call, being a shaved head and push-ups are two constants in Marine life. I said I was busy for the next few weeks and gave him my cell phone number for a follow-up call. He called ten times over the next month or so. I never answered.
A few days ago, I was talking with my sister about something, maybe getting a job after college, and I said, "At least the Marines stopped calling." I was wrong. The phone rang this morning; I heard my mother answer and say Hold on. I was the only other person in the house- as she came down the hallway, I was hoping she thought my father or brother was home, that it was anybody else's call. But she came into my room, handed me the phone, and answered my questioning expression, "I think it's a teacher." It was Sergeant Something Else, though. He wanted to talk to me about maybe joining the Reserves. Tons of opportunities, he said. We're not trying to shave your head or make you do push-ups or anything...
Now I have ten more calls to ignore.

A Brief Exchange: Mark Wahlberg and his Agent

AGENT: Mark-ee, I think I got your next movie.
MARK WAHLBERG: Do I get to shoot a gun in it?
AGENT: What?
MW: A gun. Do I get to shoot a gun it?
AGENT: Uh... Yeah, twice actually.
MW: Arright, take care of the paperwork.

How I'm Voting...

Since I'm too far behind on the big issues and devoid of any political affiliations, I've decided to vote for President based on who I'd rather look at and listen to for the next four years. Obama has that smooth, controlled baritone- sometimes he's so in control he's too dry for my taste, but I'd rather have him than his opponent. Christ, McCain. Every time I hear John McCain speak, I imagine him emerging from the shadows at a public playground, bag of candy in hand, and waddling over to some unsuspecting children on the swings. Plus it looks like his mouth never moves. So, as of right now, Obama has my vote, unless McCain regains the ability to lift his left arm higher than chest-level. Anybody notice that during the second debate? Maybe his lack of limb movement results from the torture in Vietnam, or maybe it's because he's so old. Either way, that's how I'm voting...

Dethatching Season

I got on the horn today about the pubic dethatcher, but nobody returned my calls. I wish I could tell you why- a clawed comb that removes all the loose and dead pubic hairs, providing a natural look without the irritation of shaving, seems like a fine idea to me. But success is timing. With the current economic crisis and the presidential election upcoming, people are sacrificing pubic appearance to tackle the bigger issues. When the right time comes for my product, though, I'll be ready.

Cyclist Takeover

Has anyone ever, while driving, encountered one of these mean, spandex-clad packs of cyclists? I have no life, hardly go anywhere, yet two of the three roads I travel on consistently attract these people, hunched over their handlebars, all things moving forward, focused. It worries me. I never see enough of their actual faces because of the helmets and the sun glasses; all of their bodies look the same because of the spandex. I sense the evil in these packs, a scary confidence that conjures horrors from the past. Revolutionary horrors.
I think I understand the plight of the cyclists. Our world has gone beyond overdevelopment; roads run over nature everywhere, so even when ideal cycling spots like lakes or resorvoirs provide trails for riders, they still have to risk the major highways to get there. Driving a car and parking it somewhere near the trail for easier access seems unnatural, might take too long, and kill the pure adrenaline of cycling. Because of this, the cyclists show that bravado. They drift on and off the shoulder; even at greenlights, if the pack leader times it right, he will send the pack across the intersection. Who's going to plow through a pack of cyclists, right?
I find it all frustrating. I feel at odds with the pack. Nobody I know put the roads here, and I'm just trying to get to where I'm going. I wish things could be different, that nature could still hold sway in these here parts, but... So every once in awhile, the urge comes to drift onto the shoulder, maybe disrupt a pack's rhthym, or to speed up and beat a pack to an upcoming turn. But then I consider what one of those pointy helmets would feel like rammed into my asshole, and apply the brakes.
If these people ever ride on Washington, we're in trouble.

Soccer Sucks(To You)

One thing near and dear to me is my favorite sport: soccer or as the lovely Europea...well rest of the world calls it "Football". Yes it is the real "football" because, hey, you actually use your feet. Well the reason I am writing about it is because I am sick and tired of hearing ESPN and various other sports announcers (even some commercials) say how "boring" the sport is. Is that a joke?

They say one reason they don't enjoy it is because it isn't high scoring enough. Well maybe if we gave 7 points for 1 goal it would be more acceptable? I mean look at all the sports we as Americans love so much. What do we got, hmm, baseball, hockey, basketball, and the GOD OF ALL AMERICAN SPORTS football. How come nobody says a 1-0 baseball or hockey game is boring? Hell, points in basketball are practically meaningless until the 4th quarter. But you see 1 goal in soccer/football(yes I sometimes slip and call it football) is wayyyyy wayyyy wayyyyyyy more gratifying than 1 run in baseball, 1 goal in hockey, 30 points in basketball, and even 2 touchdowns in AMERICAN FOOTBALL. It takes alot more technical ability to use foot-eye coordination than hand-eye coordination. Plus moving down a whole field with constant communication and opponents bearing down on you hard is a very difficult task. Then to top it all off, THEY STICK A MAN IN THE GOAL YOU HAVE TO AIM FOR THAT DOESN'T HAVE TO FOLLOW THE RULES AND CAN USE HIS HANDS!

Another thing many soccer-bashers despise about the "beautiful game" is that they HATE ties. Umm, why is that an issue at all? Baseball and basketball games can go for days if it came down to it, you think people would love to see a 7 day baseball or basketball game? I know out in L.A. they come during the 3rd inning and leave by the 7th. American football games can end in the seldom tie as well. Why doesn't anyone ever remember that? Hockey use to be able to end in ties but then they took a bite out of the early MLS(Major League Soccer[USA's league]) and implemented the shootout and wonderful "overtime loss". Doesn't that roll of the tongue with ease? So I ask you this why does nobody recall that when bringing up that argument point?

A third thing to bring up is many bashers say soccer is for wussies afraid of contact. Umm, baseball? Basketball? Last time I checked getting elbowed in the face, headbutted in the chest, clipped at the ankles, and kneed in the groin were still counted as "contact". American football though with those roid monkeys is a real man's sport. Why? Because they wear pads and are usually susceptible to obesity when they retire? You are allowed to duck out of bounds and still retain possession of the ball? Every other sport you lose the ball!

Basically, what I am trying to bring up and make aware is that there are some of us Americans have already fallen in love with the world's game and then there are some of us that still want our "American sports" and only them. But to continually ridicule a sport that the entire globe is obsessed with is just plain ignorance. It is time for sports reporters to stop using "soccer" as the punch line to their unoriginal jokes.

There is a reason that soccer games have the best atmosphere and most passionate fans. The type of atmosphere that keeps you smiling the whole time. It is a game where one player can make magic right before your eyes but it still may not change the course of the game. It is the "Beautiful Game" because it is poetry in motion, 11 pieces acting as 1 with one "goal" in mind.

Things That Must Stop, Part 1

I've noticed that lately, during sporting events, when a network wants to flash back to a certain date in the past, like the last time one team beat another, it will bring up a list of cute things that were going on at this certain date. The cutest of all is: "Gas was (insert price) a gallon." One announcer chuckles, then the next one chuckles, and then they all stumble and bumble over each other to see who can make the first wise crack about how high gas prices affect us all: "Heck, I was on my way to the stadium today and..."
I get it: Gas prices affect everyday life. Everybody needs gas, so these jibs and jabs tickle thighs everywhere; shitty gas prices are something we can all unify behind and complain about. But good Christ, enough is enough. Come Election Day, fuck health care and mortgages: I'll vote for whoever outlaws silly, overused quips about high gas prices.

Eminent Domain

It is a big problem that is plauging small and large towns all up and down the shore but of course there are many different spectrums to view it from. On one side, you have to commend town leaders for having a vision to beautify their "domain". On the other, you have these leaders tossing away years of memories some families have put into their home with loved ones.

In towns such as Asbury Park, Neptune, Bradley Beach, Long Branch, Neptune City, and other various localities people are being persuaded to move from their homes. Most of which want to live out the rest of their lives in the so-called "blighted" areas. These people will have pretty much limited options in terms of relocation and perhaps one thing that kept them in that so called "blighted" was the memories made by raising their families in that house. There is a saying, "A house is made of brick and stone, but a home is made of love alone". I find that to be very true and local governments should not be able passively force people out of their homes to make way for more visually appealing residential/commercial areas.

Yet, in the towns' defense you have to side with them many a time. The areas of their respective towns that they want to redevelop are in most cases awful to look at. Old buildings, decrepit houses, dilapidated streets and sidewalks are usually a big part of the equation in the reason to consider using such harsh tactics as "eminent domain" to help revive a likely dying part of the community. Most of these communitiy sites often harbor high crime rates and perhaps the only crime rates in the town. Another reason to consider supporting eminent domain is because the town is not getting all it could in terms of taxes. It basically goes like this, higher priced house=higher taxes. If houses look nicer, streets safer, and crime decreases then more people will want to move into the town. If more people want to move into town then house prices will boom which will raise many aspects of equity and other monetary situations. These higher profits from the taxes can be used to keep a closer eye on town safety and most importantly school and education to insure that the "future" is getting the best edge possible.

So call it what you want. Whether you are in favor of it or not. It is your call,but it certainly has become an epidemic all along the Jersey Shore and it needs to be resolved immediately.

If You Ever Visit The Jersey Shore.....

The Top 10 Restaurants You HAVE To Visit To Get The "Jersey Shore Style" Feel:

10.- Frankie's (Point Pleasant,NJ)

9.- Surf Taco (Manasquan,NJ)

8. - Brickwall (Asbury Park,NJ)

7. - The Windmill(Long Branch,NJ)

6. -Pete and Elda's (Neptune City,NJ)

5.- Klein's Seafood(Belmar,NJ)

4.- Kelly's Tavern(Neptune City,NJ)

3. - Fins(Bradley Beach,NJ)

2. -The Columns(Avon,NJ)

1. - Seagrass(Ocean Grove,NJ)